20 Obvious Lies That Will Shock Conservatives (If They Ever Bothered To Read A Book Or Two)
Whenever conservative bloggers try to be clever and “expose” liberal myths, you just know it’s time to pull out the rain coat, ’cause there’s gonna be a whole lot of bullshit flying around. The latest example of this is John Hawkins’ “20 Obvious Truths That Will Shock Liberals” whose real title should be “20 Easily Disprovable Stories That Conservatives Chumps Buy Hook, Line & Sinker.” Let’s take a look shall we?
1) The Founding Fathers were generally religious, gun-toting small government fanatics who were so far to the Right that they’d make Ann Coulter look like Jimmy Carter.
That’s nice. They also thought leeches could cure illness. Does that mean we should stop advancing medicine or building on their ideas for a better future? I’ll keep this mind the next time some gibbering buffoon demands that “original intent” be the only guide for interpreting the Constitution. The original intent of the Founders was that slavery was just fine, black people counted as only 3/5 of a man and women couldn’t vote at all. Let’s get back to basics!! Warning: you might find that women and African-Americans have some objections.
As for “small government?” Pure ignorance. They had laws dictating what kind of public behavior was acceptable and what size barrel could be used to transport food stuffs. Small government? Don’t make me laugh.
2) The greatest evil this country has ever committed isn’t slavery; it’s killing more than 50 million innocent children via abortion.
Tell that to a slave. But, in reality, abortion is a very complicated issue. Far more complicated than the bumper sticker mentality of your typical conservative can process. I’ll help conservative make their case, though. All a conservative has to do to convince me that they truly consider abortion to be the murder of a human being is explain to me why they do not have a funeral for miscarriages and demand a death certificate be issued.
Good luck with that.
3) Conservatives are much more compassionate than liberals and all you have to do to prove it is look at all the studies showing that conservatives give more of their money to charity than liberals do.
Only a conservative can equate money to compassion. You’re pro-death penalty, pro-war, anti-gay, anti-universal healthcare, anti-Medicare, anti-Medicaid, anti-Social Security but you give some money to a church that might use it to feed the homeless but could just as easily use it (and millions more) to deny gay couples the right to marry. Therefor, YOU are more compassionate than a liberal who wants an end to war and poverty.
hah…ahahah…ahahahahahha…bwahahahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
(the author must take a break to catch his breath)
4) When the Founding Fathers were actually around, there were official state religions and the Bible was used as a textbook in schools. The so-called “wall of separation between church and state” has absolutely nothing to do with the Constitution and everything to do with liberal hostility to Christianity.
Ah, the old “America is a religious country” bit. And to a conservative, that can only mean “Christian.” Here’s a fun fact about the Founders: to them, religious did not mean “Christian,” a very subtle nuance that seems to escape conservatives even when they read quotes from Jefferson like “Christianity neither is, nor ever was a part of the common law” or from the Treaty of Tripoli signed in 1797 that states: “As the Government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Musselmen (Muslims); and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.”
That is directly from the mouths of the people who created the country. It literally cannot be stated more clearly than that.
5) The biggest problem with our economy today is Barack Obama. His demonization of successful people, his driving up gas prices, his regulatory overload and threats to increase taxes have terrified businesses into hunkering down, refusing to spend money, and declining to hire new people. Replacing him would do more than any government policy to spur economic growth.
Funny how American gas prices have mirrored the fluctuations of the world market precisely. I guess President Obama controls the entire oil market single-handedly. It’s also amazing, how, despite the fact that we’re supposed to “drill, moron, drill,” the United States is now a net oil exporter. That’s right, we sell more oil than we take in but gas prices are still going up. I have yet to meet a conservative that can honestly explain why that is. As for refusing to spend money, why is it that no conservative can ever tell me WHAT corporations should spend the money on? Hire more people to do…what? Fill demand? They’re already filling what demand there is. More employees won’t fill it any better. Despite this, the unemployment rate has steadily (if slowly) declined under Obama as opposed to skyrocketing under the conservative policies that the right pretends didn’t cause the crash in the first place.
6) Not only are conservatives more patriotic than liberals, but most American liberals “love” America in about the same way that a wife-beater loves his wife.
In 2008, a black man was elected to the White House in a fair and open election. It was not a suspiciously close vote that required the conservative Supreme Court to stop a recount and give the election to the Republican candidate. The Democratic Party won a super majority in the Senate (but only for eight months) and a large majority in the House. What did the “patriotic” right do? Immediately started to scream that it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right and they wanted their country back. The GOP (ab)used the filibuster more than any other time in history, death threats against the president spiked and right-wing militias dramatically increased in numbers, along with foiled plots to start a revolution. Right Wing politicians started talking about secession and “second amendment remedies” and Rush Limbaugh stated, publicly and repeatedly, that he hoped Obama would fail.
If THAT’S what a conservative considers “patriotism,” they’re delusional. Patriotism is more than wearing a lapel pin. It’s more than polishing your gun and swearing to shoot the first federal agent that steps foot on your land. It’s more than wrapping yourself in the flag while screaming “I hate that nigger!” at Fox News. It’s more than being against something. You have to stand for something besides your own petty little needs. Conservatives have forgotten this, if they ever knew it the first place.
7) Out of every 100 cries of “Racism” you hear these days, 99 are motivated by nothing other than politics.
That would be because they are directed at Republican politicians and pundits passing around racist emails, calling President Obama a skinny little crackhead or man-child and demanding to see his “real” birth certificate because being born to an American mother and a Kenyan father magically makes you “not American” despite several past (white) presidents having a foreign national as a parent. When the Right stops using the Southern Strategy of racial resentment that they have flat out stated that are using, we’ll stop calling them racist.
8) Anyone paying income taxes is certainly paying his “fair share” — and then some — compared to the people who pay nothing.
When the rich paid a 90% marginal tax rate, the rich still got richer but the economy boomed. The less the rich paid, the richer they got but the worse the economy did. So let me ask you this: How is it “fair” when the rich take the most from the economy but give less, as a percentage of their profits, than the rest of us back to that economy?
9) You don’t have a “right” to anything that other people have to pay to provide for you.
Then you do not have the right to police protection, a fire department or even a 911 emergency line. You do not have the right to clean air or safe food. You do not have the right to a military to protect you from foreign invasion. You do not have the right to a single thing that is government-run. Oh? What’s that? You pay taxes so you deserve all of those things?
Exactly, you stupid bastard. If everyone else was not chipping in, i.e. “paying to provide for you,” you would not be able to afford all that nifty stuff. It’s called “socialism” and only very stupid people think they are completely self-sufficient.
10) If we can ask people to present an ID to buy alcohol, drive a car, or get on an airplane, then asking them to present identification to vote is a no-brainer.
Only a conservative could debase the right to vote by comparing it to getting drunk. Liberals hold their franchise to a higher standard, apparently. Tell me again how liberals are the ones that hate what America stands for?
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